Friendzoned. Heartbroken. Rejected. Hurt. I lived a great part of my life like that. Stuck in a series of unfulfilling relationships, where I was not given the love and understanding that I wanted. Chasing after girls. And getting nothing out of it. Basing my fragile confidence and attractiveness based on the results of those meaningless pursuits.
At the time, I did not understand the art of attracting women because I was too busy chasing them. And when I got rejected or hurt: I blamed myself. I thought that there was something wrong with me: that I was not good enough, attractive enough and that I was being “too nice” and etc. And like many guys, I was told things like “Sami, you are just too nice.”, “I only see you as a friend.” and the list goes on and on and on. Can you relate?
Experiences like high school and university only validated those ideas for me and I turned from super nice guy to super jerk. It seemed like girls always went after the guy that treated them like shit. So that’s what I began doing and results started to come in. How did that song go? “Nice guys finish last, that’s why I’ll treat you like trash.”? I look back on that and laugh, but it worked at the time for reasons I understand only know. Continue reading to find out why!
You need to treat girls badly for them to be attracted to you? Nonsense.
But at some point, it made a lot of sense. I always saw the jerk with the super kind girl. The so-called “nice” guy is not in the picture at all. The nice guy is friendzoned and rejected left and right, for what seems like his kindness. However, that is not true. He is not rejected for being kind.
Do women like being treated badly? Of course, not. No stable and sane human being would tolerate that behavior. But women like to be challenged (that’s what flirting is after all) and know that they are with a mentally strong man that is sure of himself and knows what he is doing. The jerk gives off that vibe, even though all he is doing in reality is masking his own worthlessness and self-doubt with his ego.
Broken people attract broken people. The nice girl is with the jerk, because on some level she feels that she deserves that type of abusive treatment and that she is not good enough for someone better. So these two broken people attract one another, while confused and bitter Mr. Friendzone does not have his priorities straight. He chases women and ends up scaring them away instead. He bases his self-worth on someone else and then scratches his head in frustration, when he doesn’t get the girl, while the jerk does.
I was Mr. Friendzone.. until I decided to stop chasing after women and actually work on becoming the best version of myself possible. At the time, I had gotten out of a really meaningless relationship, where my feelings were not given much consideration nor importance. So I decided to end it and lay off chasing women for a while and focus on myself instead.
I started working out more, reading more and really pushing myself out of my self-imposed comfort zone (I CLIMBED FRIGGIN’ KILIMANJARO!) That’s when things really began to change and I attracted the people and relationships that I really grew from. Low-quality people began to leave my life and I realized that I didn’t have to change my personality or who I am for other people. And if I did have to change for those people, then they were not worth my time, my body, nor my attention.
And this is exactly what I enjoyed so much about my call with Dating Expert Harvey Hooke. I thought we would talk about love, sex and relationships, but we never talked about any of that! We ended up talking about how to become the most authentic and awesome version of yourself. How to really connect with yourself and change your limited and negative perception that you have of yourself to become the most attractive person in the room. And that is the key to attracting people!
Check out Samotivation Podcast, Episode 4 with Dating Coach Harvey Hooke! I am sure that you will enjoy it (warning there are lots of F-bombs being thrown left and right. If you are not comfortable with that, give it a miss.)